Have you ever wanted to do something different, change something or take up a new
skill, but somehow just can’t get round to doing it? Or if you do start, your motivation drifts and you find you haven’t kept up that new resolution… and then you feel like you’ve failed?
“I’m not good enough”, “I was never going to do it”, “they were right when they said I couldn’t do it”. Usually, this leads to the ‘what the hell’ effect, where we give up completely – and the cycle can repeat, leading to the negative cycle of failing again and again. We excuse ourselves with the fact that we’re busy, we don’t have time for change, we’d do it if only work/life/family didn’t get in the way…
A friend of mine once told me, pertinently, that you make time for the things that mean the most to you. So, when you say you don’t have time, you’re really saying that you don’t value you resolution very highly. So… do you really want it enough?
Life is busy for most of us and juggling priorities is often a necessity. Fitness, family and finance are key areas which we can’t prioritise equally at the same time. So, starting with small changes (even for big ambitions), can help integrate them slowly into your daily life without too much interruption or aggravation. And then you’ll find that these small changes have integrated pretty easily, and you can build on-going momentum from there. Thinking big is good, but don’t be a ‘boom/buster’, who stops as quickly as they start.
Think of will-power as a fuel-gauge: it depletes through the day. So, if you want long-lasting will-power, try reducing the ‘busy-ness’ of your life. Create ‘Must Do’ lists rather than ‘To Do’ lists, work out what you really do have to do. Don’t you sometimes wonder at the people who seem to achieve their goals? That’s because they’ve reduced the peripheral noise of life and focussed on the things that matter to them. Some of us have more responsibilities than others, but everyone can start somewhere (going back to my point above about ‘starting small’).
Achieving what you’ve set out to do builds confidence, and confidence expands our ability to do more. It starts a positive upward cycle, as opposed to a downward spiral of failure, despair and giving up.
Change does need planning, and it needs your ability to change. Nothing new happens if you do the same thing. You’ve decided on your goal/objective, now you need to think about the process – how are you going to achieve it? Thinking reinforces motivation, and having a plan reinforces your intention.
When you think about a new resolution or goal, think about what you actually want to change. What are your three main reasons for change? How important is it to you to make these changes? And are you confident in achieving them? These questions all help plan what you could do to start, and who you might need to help you: family, friends, medical/dietary advice, a personal trainer, a class or an injury specialist. Then identify when you could start. Working backwards from your goal, setting some short and mid-term objectives, can help your progression and motivation. Finally, take a step back and consider if all of this is realistic – is the goal appropriate based on your starting point, have you got the right support network and advice around you, and is it achievable at this time in your life?
And a word about friends and family: they can steer you off course without you even realising it (even though they may not mean to). They may say they love you how you are, you don’t need to change etc, but that’s their perspective, not yours… it’s your goal, not theirs.
Finally, words are powerful. Write down your goals and repeat them to someone you trust, or make a wider public commitment. That’s why signing up to charity events has such a low drop-out rate: you’ve publicly committed and you’ve got people onside.
Dump the phrases “I’m trying to”, “I should/shouldn’t be”, “I’m supposed to” as they scream a lack of intent. If you’re really committed to change, then act and say so, using positive language. Saying “I’m going to the gym twice a week”, “I’ve changed what I eat”, “I’m now doing yoga” or “I’m getting up early to walk/run/swim” re-enforces your intention, both to you and others.
Having true intent to achieve your goal can really help when life gets in the way. There’ll inevitably be bumps along the way, but keep your eye on the end goal and get back to the positive changes you’ve been making. And make sure to celebrate those mini-goals along the route.
To sum up: will-power alone won’t get you what you want. You need a well thought-out out plan, with the right people and advice to support you. When the ‘I want’ drives the will-power, you’re far more likely to succeed.
Commit, and go for it!